Prof Patrick McGhee

Posts Tagged ‘Farage’

UKIP leader ‘appears in public’ After Uncharacteristically Long Absence of 14 Hours.

In Politics, Satire on October 14, 2014 at 9:57 am

UKIP leader ‘appears in public’ After Unexplained Absence of 14 Hours.

Speculation on ill-health, coup continues.

Eccentric extremist leader Nigel Farage has made his first public appearance since yesterday, the country’s official state-controlled news agency the BBC says.

The broadcaster said on Tuesday that Mr Farage “gave inspirational guidance” at a newly rented campaign shop in a bleak residential district of Rotherham.

The official Party Newsletter, the Daily Mail, was reported by experts to have carried several photographs of Mr Farage using a walking stick as he inspected the site. Dressed in his traditional sombre utilitarian yellow tweed jacket and orange tie, Mr Farage was reported to have addressed an organised gathering of party approved journalists from the mainstream media.

Reports also emerged of relieved wailing and mass hysteria after Mr Farage’s appearance. “We are delighted to see that our Dear Leader is in good health and that his long painful absence is over. All of our science projects, huge city planning initiatives and the movement of the stars themselves have been waiting for his return. It was the longest 14 hours of my life.”

The news comes amidst further reports of internal political realignments with key figures such as General Douglas Carswell changing allegiances.

On Sunday, UKIP’s ambassador to Westminster told the BBC that Mr Farage was in good health despite his failure to appear to give his nightly public address on Newsnight and Question Time.

The absence of the 54-year-old iconic yet unpredictable leader had prompted a flurry of speculation about his health.

Some have even questioned if he remains in control of the secretive totalitarian UKIP party following his unexplained absence from state television screens and official public events since late yesterday afternoon.

The enigmatic Farage, educated in the West, reportedly enjoys expensively imported best bitter, crisps and exotic dry roasted peanuts delivered by international suppliers.

While information is scarce, commentators believe that Farage plans to cut off the UK from Europe, creating a one-party isolationist state. Economists claim that despite ideological rhetoric the party’s finances are in a desperate straights, dependent on handouts from neighbours.

The desire of state-run media to end speculation about Mr Farage also indicates he hasn’t been the victim of a coup, says the CNN’s Brad Evans from the US monitoring station in Glasgow.

England-Scotland relations remain tense following a failed coup attempt last month.

A pre-recorded BBC Radio 4 factory broadcast for workers, proclaimed: “first secretary of the Workers’ Party of England, first chairman of the National Defence Against Immigration Commission of the UKIP, supreme commander of the People’s Army, our Dear Leader today gave field guidance to military leaders at the newly built Undocumented Migrants Residential District”.

Nick Robinson is 94.

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